The Blue M&M

I have heard it said that patience is a virtue.  Well that is a virtue that I do not have.  I am incredibly impatient, and have been ever since I can remember.  I like schedules, plans and organization, and when things don't go to plan, oh, do I lose it.

Ask my wife...I grumble when we are getting into the car 1 minute late.  You know what they say, "If you are on time, you are late."  Well for me, if you aren't ten minutes early, you are late.  It's a sickness, I know.

Also, my wife, she is incredibly patient.  When I think of someone who can wait any amount of time, without ceasing, or change in attitude, despite the circumstances, it is her I am thinking of.

As many of you may or may not know, we have recently given birth to a child...well I did not give birth to one, but I was in the room.  Close enough, right?  Anyways, for those of you who have a child, you understand the incredible patience it takes to raise one.  The crying, diapers, sneezing, boogers, puking, spit up, dry skin, and that is just the tip of the iceberg.  The other day I went to give my little Fenway Eden a kiss on the lips, and she spit up INTO my mouth.  Yes, onto my lips and then onto my tongue where all of my taste buds are.  This has definitely been one of the hardest seasons in my life, due to my own flaw.  For those of you that know me, my impatience can cause anger, bad decisions and rude remarks.  So to say that this has been difficult is an understatement.

Look at this face.

I get to wake every morning next to the woman of my dreams, being the best mom in the world, to our beautiful daughter.  How can I be impatient with something like that?  I find my greatest sadness in going to bed at night, knowing I was impatient at some point in the day with my wife or daughter.

I don't want to be someone that looks back and thinks, "Why was I in such a hurry?  Why did I constantly seek to have things done exactly as I pleased, and only that way?"  The past 3, going on 4, weeks has been a blur, and my impatience didn't help.  I don't want to miss the little things because I have bigger things on my mind.  I don't want to miss the snotty noses, the blown out diapers, the spit up covered onesies, the dreaded bath times, the nail clipping, the cries, the whines, the hiccups, the sneezes, the laughs, the smiles, the kisses...the small things that make my day exciting.  I don't want to miss that.

If I could give any advice for soon to be parents, coming from a parent who was once a soon to be not to long ago, it would be this:

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank rolls smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for."

I have come to realize this, and it has taken me a few weeks.  Don't let these times slip between your fingers.  You only have your first born one time, and I am telling you, it is the happiest, most joyful and unforgotten experience you can ever imagine.

Soak it in.  These are the best days of your life.

On this note, I have been at home now for three days, alone.  My wife and baby girl flew off to Phoenix on Thursday for our grandfathers funeral, and I will not be meeting them until Tuesday.  It has definitely been a struggle just lounging around, cooking frozen food, talking to myself and learning that only male bonding I get is with my dog.  I guess you really never know how lonely you can be until the people you are closest with are out of sight.  Needless to say, I can not wait until Tuesday...the day I am reunited with my family.  And you are probably thinking, "Its only 5 days.  Relax."  It's the longest 5 days I have ever experienced.  Pre-season for college soccer was 14 days, and this seems ten times as long as that, and there is no conditioning or puking involved.

But there is one really cool thing about being alone, thoughts left to wonder on their own.

Silence.
Rest.
Peace.

These three things have allowed me to do something that I have not done in quite awhile.  They have allowed me to listen.  And not just to anything, but listen to God.  Psalm 46:10,

"Be still, and know that I am God."

This is the first time in a long time that I have actually been still before God.  Not that I do not do it intentionally, but my life has gotten so busy that even in my quiet time, my devotional, my reading, my worship, I fail to be silent and listen.  Instead, I talk.  I talk about my needs, my wants, the things I need from God.  Rather than realizing that God is all I need, I assume I need other things on top of Him.

This is my challenge to anyone reading this: don't let the business of the day cast out your alone time with God.  Don't let our running mouths shut the mouth of our Savior.  God has something very unique for all of us to hear.  I don't know what it is, or when you will eventually hear it, but He is saying something to all of us.  It's just a matter of opening up our ears and listening to what He has to say.  Don't be so naive to think that you don't need God or His guidance.  It is often in these times that we will fall, and lose track of what is most important.  It is often times stated that,

"You don't realize Jesus is all you need, until Jesus is all you have."

I pray that He is who you run to.  I pray that He is who you call on in times of trial.  I pray He is the only thing that can fill you up. I pray that His love is deep enough, His grace wide enough.  I pray that you will let Him in.  I pray that He changes and restores your life.  I pray that Jesus is all you have.

Just the other day, I had a pack of M&M's. And quite frankly, I don't usually choose this candy in an assortment of candies, but these were not just any M&M's...these were Dark Chocolate M&M's.  Anyways, as I opened them, I became irritated that there was only one blue one in the entire pack.  First, blue is the best color M&M, second, everyone knows that the colors taste different, and third, no other color can come in close comparison with blue.

If you are going to tell me that you do not rate your candies based on color, I know you are lying.

Well, I began to eat the M&M's, first the yellow because they are horrible.  Then the orange and red, because they match (kind of), then the green and finally I ended up with the one blue M&M left.

My wife is like this blue M&M among all the others.  When I first saw that blue M&M, I knew it stood out, I knew it would be the best, and I knew that none of the others could compare.  They wouldn't even come close.  So I savored that blue M&M and weeded all the others out so I could simply enjoy that blue M&M.  My life was weeded with a lot of stupid things, and as soon as she came along,  those things did not seem as important.  I am thankful God sent me this blue M&M.

I am thankful that she chose me and that I get to spend the rest of my life with her.

I am excited for the adventures to come.

You the real MVP babe.

Until next time,

-JTD-

Inner Desires to Love

"GET HER OUT OF ME," are the last words of labor my wife mustered up as our beautiful baby Fenway entered this world at 8:05am, on February 10th.

I can remember praying as we were about to begin a process that one can not truly understand until being in the moment.  I worked my way through a prayer broken by tears, gasps for air, an excited heart, and countless thoughts on whats to come.  I lost all recollection of anything going on outside room 224, not knowing what would come in about 40 minutes, and as I opened my eyes, it began.  Not understanding what to do, or where to put my hands, I eagerly awaited my little girl.  As the pushing began, and the intensity inclined, I can recall thinking that there is no way I could ever gain enough strength to put my body through this.  The constant contractions, sweating, cramping, and mental blocks would have pushed me over the edge, but she pushed right through it...and I mean right through it.  My wife was a champ and owned those labor pains.

Forty minutes later we were looking into the eyes of a beautiful creation of God.  We conceived our child, and my wife simply carried her, but as for her "creation", that credit goes to the man up stairs.  Weighing in at seven pounds and fifteen ounces, she brought immediate tears to my wife and I...for those of you that know me, I cry at a lot of things.  This is by far the best cry I have ever had.

And like I said earlier, there is no words or metaphor...analogy or simile...that one can use to explain an event such as this.  And to add, watching a child being born, is probably one of the most humbling, in awe moments one can experience...and by "in awe", I mean in awe of Christ, and His love for you and me.

I have always understood love.  I have always had love for those in my life...my family, my friends, and those around me...but I have never understood love from a fatherly standpoint; and there is none like it.  Before Fenway came, I assumed it would take some time for me to fully grasp the idea of being a father.  That it would take some time to change my life, the way I think and all the things in between.  And I was quickly mistaken.  The moment I saw her...from the moment they placed her in my arms, I realized something...."We love because He first loved us."  We are all children of God, adopted into His family.  We have been granted access to the Father because Christ loved me...he loved you...so much that He gave up His life for us.  We now can have a relationship with God.  Not saying that one can not understood the love of God until having a child, but, being a father only gives me a glimpse into the love that God has for His children.  I can not imagine my life without Fenway, and I have only had for twelve days.  God has been longing for you since the beginning of creation, and one can only imagine His love for you in that He could not imagine His life without you, so He sent His son for you.  It is an amazing thing.  The love of God is unmeasurable, and I am so thankful that He loved me enough to pursue a relationship with me.

My wife and I have have been given an incredible blessing, in that we get to show that same love to another person.  We get to pour the love of Christ into Gods creation and allow her to feel the same acceptance, love, grace, and forgiveness that he has showed us.  I am thrilled to say that my life has been changed forever, and that things in the Doyle Compound are going to get a little crazier.  Here is to Fenway and all the joy she will bring to those in her life.

I became more of a man two nights ago.  I built a bed...an actual bed.  Well more like a platform bed, but nonetheless, it was great.  My buddy Dave Rizer and I built it with just $50 bucks and it turned out to be just what we were looking for.

We started with 2x4's (which are actually 1 1/2 by 3 1/2) and some plywood.

Then we put everything together (frame, legs and support beams).

Added the wood on top...

It was finished.  Actually came out just how we wanted it, and needless to say, it hasn't collapsed and killed out dog that likes to get underneath it yet.  I would consider it successful.

Over the past few weeks we have had so many visitors coming and going to see baby Fenway, drop off meals, and help with anything during this very busy time.  Among those people were some really important people...family from Phoenix.  First we had Mercedes mom Dawn and her father Rudy come and stay with us for 10 days, through the delivery and the process of bringing her home.  This was so helpful and much needed, as sleep would be a treat in those first few days and having them around to help with food, burping and rocking was awesome.  Right after they left, my mother Natalie and her fiance Kevin came into town.  Having them here to also cook meals, take time watching the baby, and be around for support was extremely helpful.  The only downside was this...

We had record breaking snow here in Kentucky, and we could not leave our home.  As you can imagine, 6 people stuck in a 900 square foot house, to many episodes of "The Office", only so many things to eat, and over played card games can creates cabin fever after the first couple hours.  The upside to this was that our dog has never been in snow like this and he was having a blast.  He tried to eat it, roll in it, jump around in it and hopped like a rabbit through it all.

While this snow storm, or as they were calling it around here, "The Snowmaggedon", continued through Wednesday of last week, I picked up a book that I have been wanting to read that had just come in the mail.  It was written by Timothy Keller and titled "Prayer".

The back of the book explains prayer as "...how God gives us so many of the unimaginable things he has for us.  It is a way we know God, the way we finally treat God as God.  Prayer is simply the key to everything we need to do and be in life."  On beginning this book, it was a high concern of mine that my prayer life is not up to par with where it should be.

1 Thessalonians 5:17 states, "Pray without ceasing."

I have ceased and need to remember that communicating with God through Prayer is one of the most important things I can do as a Christian for my relationship with Him.  To sum it up, I went to God like a consumer, hoping to gain something that I wanted, rather than going to God as a an adopted Son just to be in His presence.

Keller writes early on that, "Prayer is the way to experience the powerful confidence that God is handling our lives well, that our bad things will turn out for God, our good things can not be taken from us and the best things are yet to come."

He also writes, "The problem is that if God is not the starting point, then our own perceived emotional needs become the drivers and sole focus of our prayer."

Both of these excerpts strike me on two levels:

1. I don't always believe God is going to make bad things turn out for good and that the best is yet to come.
2. I pray many times for what I want and what I need, rather than praying to be close to God as a sole provider in my life.

Am I saying I get it wrong all the time? Surely not, but more often than not, my prayers end up like point two above.  I begin to forget that God has sole control over what is going on in my life and has a plan for what is to come, so in response I pray that he would fix every single, little problem and every emotional turmoil.  I turn my focus away from him and his Sovereignty and providence, and turn it towards selfishness, greed, and personal gain.  

I think it all comes down to the idea of performance.  We pray because we feel like we are lacking in areas, failing in others...simply God get us out of the mess we are in.  But through the Holy Spirit, we know that our relationship with God is not based on performance, but is based on a parental love.  A love that is so strong, it doesn't matter what we do, it will never cease.  When we cease to believe God has complete control of our lives, God doesn't.  When we cease to long for God and His comfort, God doesn't.  When we cease to stop pursuing God, he never ceasing to pursue us.

Let our prayers be filled with praise and worship.  Let our prayers be focused on the one whom through Him all things are possible.  Let our prayers be words of relationship and love...not words of mechanical restatements, and rehearsed sentences.  Let our prayers come from inner desire to communicate with our Creator, rather than circumstances that force us to pray.

Until next time,

-JTD- 

Normalities and Family

Howdy folks,

It has been awhile since I have written.  A long while actually.  Two weekends ago we experienced snow here.  Not just a little snow...

...but quite a bit of snow.  I don't own a shovel.  I didn't even know what to do with myself.  Our dog couldn't figure out with the ground was covered in ice cubes, that he tries so hard to get any other day.  He was in heaven, and it really was a beautiful thing.  It is amazing the silence that comes after a snow...it is also amazing how long a dog will search for a ball, despite never finding it because the snow is to deep.  True story.

What if today was the day that you meet your creator?  What if today were the day that you finally stand before the throne of God?  I mean you might not even finish reading this blog;  you could go right now.  Interesting thought isn't it?  Now if this instantly turned you away from reading the blog, just hold with me for a few moments.  I have recently been going through the book "Crazy Love" with my life group, which is all about loving our creator with the same love that He shows us.  Frederick Buechner writes:

"Intellectually we all know that we will die, but we do not really know it in the sense that the knowledge actually becomes a part of us.  We do not really know it in the sense of living as though it were true.  On the contrary, we tend to live as though our lives would go on forever."

We all say things, like, "Well, I know I am not guaranteed tomorrow", but how many of us actually live that way?  Truth is, we live as if we are invincible.  The reason I mention this is because on a daily basis, we tend to put our own circumstances above God.  We tend to say, "Well my day is so busy and cluttered with other things, that I really don't have much time for God."  But in reality, how do you not have time for him?  How can you afford to not spend time with Him?  Because when it comes down to it,  this might be the day that you see God.  

Colossians 1:16 says:

"I was made by God, but I was also made for God."










And the key word here is "for".  Are you actually living your life FOR God?  Or are you saving it for the weekend worship service...your prayer time...your Bible devotional?  Don't be forgetful of our God.  It doesn't really matter where you are at right now, what you are doing, who you are with or where you are going.  You are called to bring God glory in all you are doing, living FOR Him.

The point of your life is to point to Him.

It is that easy.  And the only reason why I bring this up is because I fail to see this truth daily.  Why?  Because I am a sinner.  We are all sinners.  That is the nature of our very being, but in all this, Christ still died for you...he died for me...and we have the opportunity to have a relationship with our creator.  A.W. Tozer states:

"A man by His sin may waste himself, which is to waste that which on earth is most like God.  This is a man's greatest tragedy and God's heaviest grief."

My prayer is that we would continue to live a life that is fully saturated in the love of Christ that we can't help but think of Him, every second, of every minute, of every hour of every day.  It may seem like a stretch but the fact is that He thinks about you every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day.  Rejoice in Him and find satisfaction in His abounding Grace.  It truly will make all the difference in the world.

I promise.

A couple of weekends ago, I got to go on a sweet camping trip.  But this wasn't any normal trip...this was a camping trip during -1 degree weather.  Granted, I signed up for it, but I honestly don't think I would ever do it again.  I think that it was the most cold I have ever actually slept in.

We made this sweet tee-pee like the indians do.

And then in the middle of it we built a fire...close to a five star hotel.  The hike in was beautiful as well.

This was such an awesome trip and being able to have biblical community with a bunch of awesome men was one of the greatest things that I could of ever asked for.  It's not everyday that you get to go camping with about 20 men, cook burgoo on an open fire...

...and talk about some of the deeper things within.  You know as men, it is not often that you get a chance to talk about some of the things that you are dealing with.  Better yet, you probably don't even want to...but that is what society tells us to do.  You can't be weak...you can't have issues because you are a man.  You are called to be strong, a leader, and have it all figured out.

False.

I have issues. A lot of them, and I am thankful that I have men like this in my life that can challenge me, help me grow, pour into me, and teach me things that I have not yet learned.  More importantly, these 20 men are a group of Christ like individuals that pursue God in every aspect of their life and I am so grateful that I have guys like this to look up to.

And one of the most important things this trip taught me was to...

I don't do this enough, but I really wish I did.  God made some beautiful things and I am to blind to see past my 4x1 inch iPhone screen, that I miss a whole lot of it.  Don't forget to smell the roses.

But, there was one man missing from our trip.  One man that admire deeply, and I know he won't read this blog, but he has been a huge inspiration to me as a Kingdom worker, family man, father, and friend.  His name is Dave Rizer...

This is Dave with his wife Jen.  They have two sons, Noah and Benaiah.  Every few weeks, the Rizer's invite us over to their house to play games (which we always play Monopoly Deal.  Very addicting, and fun, to say the least).  Usually, they have some baked good that we can chow down on, Dave makes some coffee or a glass a milk, and we play.  Last night, there kids got to stay up past their bed time and hang out a bit, and they are awesome.  Benaiah loves football, especially the Patriots, and he carried his Rob Gronkowski card around with him everywhere.  Cool little dude.  And Noah seemed to have as many favorite players as there were football cards and once that chocolate brownie was in him, there was no stopping his wild side.  

Back to Dave.  We carpool to work every Tuesday, and I can tell you that I have learned more in our one and a half hour car rides per week, then I have in a long time.  We discuss books, all sorts...leadership, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, Navy Seals, and Christian Theology.  You know when I think about being a man of Christ for my family and living a life worthy of God's calling, I look to this man.  Loves God...loves his family...loves the Kingdom...loves life.  Just wanted to say thank you for who you are to me as a mentor and friend.  Thankful God crossed out paths and I look forward to more one and a half hour convos.  Only down side to Dave is his coffee is to manly for me and I can't handle it yet...someday.

Dave is part of a much bigger family then listed above.  He is a part of this family...

This was at the baby shower that the folks here in Kentucky for us.  The guy on the right, Joe, is a hoot and makes every person that walks through our doors feel at home.

One of the hardest things about moving away from AZ was the idea of leaving "family".  My wife and I had both in AZ our entire life and we couldn't imagine leaving everyone that we had been brought up with.  The first few months were rough.  We didn't talk to many people...stayed hunkered down in our home on weekends and hung out with each other.  Not bad, just lonely.  My wife cried a lot, I felt bad for dragging her away from home, and Satan was attacking us with more strength then he ever had before.

But as the months went on, things got better.  We started to get close to people.  We started to meet people and our roots finally started to grow into this place called Danville.  We couldn't believe it, but people were inviting us over for dinner...we were going out to eat with others.  Things began to unfold and before we knew it, we had created the very thing we left in AZ; a "family".  

What is a family?  Webster dictionary defines family as a group of people who are related to each other.  You might be asking yourself, "Those people are not related to you, so how can they be family?"  I am glad you asked.  Jesus says in Matthew 12:

"But He replied to the man that told him, 'Who is my mother and who are my brothers?'  And stretching out His hands toward the disciples, he said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in Heaven is my brother and sister and mother."

Jesus was saying that family does not end at the bloodline...it doesn't end with genetic connection.  His family are those willing to follow Him and pursue Him.

So who is my "family"?  These people in the picture above do the work of Christ.  They do the work of their Father in Heaven and I still can not believe that I get to serve alongside such a loving, caring, joyful and humble group of people.  But this is my family.  My family does not stop at the borders of AZ, but extends through the nations to every brother and sister in Christ, willing to do Kingdom work.  And I can honestly say that this group of picture is no different then the family I left back in AZ.  As far as I am concerned, I have 50 brothers and sisters above, standing side by side with me as I walk this incredible journey that Christ has called me to be a part of.

To everyone who has welcomed my wife, my child, and myself into this community, thank you.  I can not tell you how much we love you all and we are forever grateful for the providence God has shown us in being a part of this community.  And I can not wait to raise my daughter around a family that will show her how to love Christ and love people.  Yes, we left some family in AZ, but God has provided a family that is just as great.  Thank you.

Last thing I would like to say is that Fenway could come any day now.  Mercedes is over 39 weeks, and we are just waiting to meet her.  If she is stubborn, like her father, she may be in there a few more weeks...but lets hope not.  Anyways, pray for my wife.  Pray that she will remain healthy and that things would go as planned in the delivery room.  Pray that she would be strong.  More importantly, pray for baby Fenway.  Not for safe exiting, or health, although that is important, but more importantly pray that her love for Jesus would start to develop even as she awaits her departure from the womb.  We want our daughter to intimately know the Lord.  We want her to long for him, and deeply pursue Him.  This is most important to us.  She is going to be a child of God and a light to His Kingdom and we can not wait to watch her grow into the beautiful young woman that God designed her to be.

One more thing.  This picture sums it up.  For all of you who said I was weird growing up, and even now say I am weird.

Normal sucks.  Be different.  Be weird.  Be yourself.

Until next time,

-JTD-