I have heard it said that patience is a virtue. Well that is a virtue that I do not have. I am incredibly impatient, and have been ever since I can remember. I like schedules, plans and organization, and when things don't go to plan, oh, do I lose it.
Ask my wife...I grumble when we are getting into the car 1 minute late. You know what they say, "If you are on time, you are late." Well for me, if you aren't ten minutes early, you are late. It's a sickness, I know.
Also, my wife, she is incredibly patient. When I think of someone who can wait any amount of time, without ceasing, or change in attitude, despite the circumstances, it is her I am thinking of.
As many of you may or may not know, we have recently given birth to a child...well I did not give birth to one, but I was in the room. Close enough, right? Anyways, for those of you who have a child, you understand the incredible patience it takes to raise one. The crying, diapers, sneezing, boogers, puking, spit up, dry skin, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. The other day I went to give my little Fenway Eden a kiss on the lips, and she spit up INTO my mouth. Yes, onto my lips and then onto my tongue where all of my taste buds are. This has definitely been one of the hardest seasons in my life, due to my own flaw. For those of you that know me, my impatience can cause anger, bad decisions and rude remarks. So to say that this has been difficult is an understatement.
Look at this face.
I get to wake every morning next to the woman of my dreams, being the best mom in the world, to our beautiful daughter. How can I be impatient with something like that? I find my greatest sadness in going to bed at night, knowing I was impatient at some point in the day with my wife or daughter.
I don't want to be someone that looks back and thinks, "Why was I in such a hurry? Why did I constantly seek to have things done exactly as I pleased, and only that way?" The past 3, going on 4, weeks has been a blur, and my impatience didn't help. I don't want to miss the little things because I have bigger things on my mind. I don't want to miss the snotty noses, the blown out diapers, the spit up covered onesies, the dreaded bath times, the nail clipping, the cries, the whines, the hiccups, the sneezes, the laughs, the smiles, the kisses...the small things that make my day exciting. I don't want to miss that.
If I could give any advice for soon to be parents, coming from a parent who was once a soon to be not to long ago, it would be this:
"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank rolls smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for."
I have come to realize this, and it has taken me a few weeks. Don't let these times slip between your fingers. You only have your first born one time, and I am telling you, it is the happiest, most joyful and unforgotten experience you can ever imagine.
Soak it in. These are the best days of your life.
On this note, I have been at home now for three days, alone. My wife and baby girl flew off to Phoenix on Thursday for our grandfathers funeral, and I will not be meeting them until Tuesday. It has definitely been a struggle just lounging around, cooking frozen food, talking to myself and learning that only male bonding I get is with my dog. I guess you really never know how lonely you can be until the people you are closest with are out of sight. Needless to say, I can not wait until Tuesday...the day I am reunited with my family. And you are probably thinking, "Its only 5 days. Relax." It's the longest 5 days I have ever experienced. Pre-season for college soccer was 14 days, and this seems ten times as long as that, and there is no conditioning or puking involved.
But there is one really cool thing about being alone, thoughts left to wonder on their own.
Silence.
Rest.
Peace.
These three things have allowed me to do something that I have not done in quite awhile. They have allowed me to listen. And not just to anything, but listen to God. Psalm 46:10,
"Be still, and know that I am God."
This is the first time in a long time that I have actually been still before God. Not that I do not do it intentionally, but my life has gotten so busy that even in my quiet time, my devotional, my reading, my worship, I fail to be silent and listen. Instead, I talk. I talk about my needs, my wants, the things I need from God. Rather than realizing that God is all I need, I assume I need other things on top of Him.
This is my challenge to anyone reading this: don't let the business of the day cast out your alone time with God. Don't let our running mouths shut the mouth of our Savior. God has something very unique for all of us to hear. I don't know what it is, or when you will eventually hear it, but He is saying something to all of us. It's just a matter of opening up our ears and listening to what He has to say. Don't be so naive to think that you don't need God or His guidance. It is often in these times that we will fall, and lose track of what is most important. It is often times stated that,
"You don't realize Jesus is all you need, until Jesus is all you have."
I pray that He is who you run to. I pray that He is who you call on in times of trial. I pray He is the only thing that can fill you up. I pray that His love is deep enough, His grace wide enough. I pray that you will let Him in. I pray that He changes and restores your life. I pray that Jesus is all you have.
Just the other day, I had a pack of M&M's. And quite frankly, I don't usually choose this candy in an assortment of candies, but these were not just any M&M's...these were Dark Chocolate M&M's. Anyways, as I opened them, I became irritated that there was only one blue one in the entire pack. First, blue is the best color M&M, second, everyone knows that the colors taste different, and third, no other color can come in close comparison with blue.
If you are going to tell me that you do not rate your candies based on color, I know you are lying.
Well, I began to eat the M&M's, first the yellow because they are horrible. Then the orange and red, because they match (kind of), then the green and finally I ended up with the one blue M&M left.
My wife is like this blue M&M among all the others. When I first saw that blue M&M, I knew it stood out, I knew it would be the best, and I knew that none of the others could compare. They wouldn't even come close. So I savored that blue M&M and weeded all the others out so I could simply enjoy that blue M&M. My life was weeded with a lot of stupid things, and as soon as she came along, those things did not seem as important. I am thankful God sent me this blue M&M.
I am thankful that she chose me and that I get to spend the rest of my life with her.
I am excited for the adventures to come.
You the real MVP babe.
Until next time,
-JTD-
