I can remember praying as we were about to begin a process that one can not truly understand until being in the moment. I worked my way through a prayer broken by tears, gasps for air, an excited heart, and countless thoughts on whats to come. I lost all recollection of anything going on outside room 224, not knowing what would come in about 40 minutes, and as I opened my eyes, it began. Not understanding what to do, or where to put my hands, I eagerly awaited my little girl. As the pushing began, and the intensity inclined, I can recall thinking that there is no way I could ever gain enough strength to put my body through this. The constant contractions, sweating, cramping, and mental blocks would have pushed me over the edge, but she pushed right through it...and I mean right through it. My wife was a champ and owned those labor pains.
Forty minutes later we were looking into the eyes of a beautiful creation of God. We conceived our child, and my wife simply carried her, but as for her "creation", that credit goes to the man up stairs. Weighing in at seven pounds and fifteen ounces, she brought immediate tears to my wife and I...for those of you that know me, I cry at a lot of things. This is by far the best cry I have ever had.
And like I said earlier, there is no words or metaphor...analogy or simile...that one can use to explain an event such as this. And to add, watching a child being born, is probably one of the most humbling, in awe moments one can experience...and by "in awe", I mean in awe of Christ, and His love for you and me.
I have always understood love. I have always had love for those in my life...my family, my friends, and those around me...but I have never understood love from a fatherly standpoint; and there is none like it. Before Fenway came, I assumed it would take some time for me to fully grasp the idea of being a father. That it would take some time to change my life, the way I think and all the things in between. And I was quickly mistaken. The moment I saw her...from the moment they placed her in my arms, I realized something...."We love because He first loved us." We are all children of God, adopted into His family. We have been granted access to the Father because Christ loved me...he loved you...so much that He gave up His life for us. We now can have a relationship with God. Not saying that one can not understood the love of God until having a child, but, being a father only gives me a glimpse into the love that God has for His children. I can not imagine my life without Fenway, and I have only had for twelve days. God has been longing for you since the beginning of creation, and one can only imagine His love for you in that He could not imagine His life without you, so He sent His son for you. It is an amazing thing. The love of God is unmeasurable, and I am so thankful that He loved me enough to pursue a relationship with me.
My wife and I have have been given an incredible blessing, in that we get to show that same love to another person. We get to pour the love of Christ into Gods creation and allow her to feel the same acceptance, love, grace, and forgiveness that he has showed us. I am thrilled to say that my life has been changed forever, and that things in the Doyle Compound are going to get a little crazier. Here is to Fenway and all the joy she will bring to those in her life.
I became more of a man two nights ago. I built a bed...an actual bed. Well more like a platform bed, but nonetheless, it was great. My buddy Dave Rizer and I built it with just $50 bucks and it turned out to be just what we were looking for.
We started with 2x4's (which are actually 1 1/2 by 3 1/2) and some plywood.
Then we put everything together (frame, legs and support beams).
Added the wood on top...
It was finished. Actually came out just how we wanted it, and needless to say, it hasn't collapsed and killed out dog that likes to get underneath it yet. I would consider it successful.
Over the past few weeks we have had so many visitors coming and going to see baby Fenway, drop off meals, and help with anything during this very busy time. Among those people were some really important people...family from Phoenix. First we had Mercedes mom Dawn and her father Rudy come and stay with us for 10 days, through the delivery and the process of bringing her home. This was so helpful and much needed, as sleep would be a treat in those first few days and having them around to help with food, burping and rocking was awesome. Right after they left, my mother Natalie and her fiance Kevin came into town. Having them here to also cook meals, take time watching the baby, and be around for support was extremely helpful. The only downside was this...
We had record breaking snow here in Kentucky, and we could not leave our home. As you can imagine, 6 people stuck in a 900 square foot house, to many episodes of "The Office", only so many things to eat, and over played card games can creates cabin fever after the first couple hours. The upside to this was that our dog has never been in snow like this and he was having a blast. He tried to eat it, roll in it, jump around in it and hopped like a rabbit through it all.
While this snow storm, or as they were calling it around here, "The Snowmaggedon", continued through Wednesday of last week, I picked up a book that I have been wanting to read that had just come in the mail. It was written by Timothy Keller and titled "Prayer".
The back of the book explains prayer as "...how God gives us so many of the unimaginable things he has for us. It is a way we know God, the way we finally treat God as God. Prayer is simply the key to everything we need to do and be in life." On beginning this book, it was a high concern of mine that my prayer life is not up to par with where it should be.
1 Thessalonians 5:17 states, "Pray without ceasing."
I have ceased and need to remember that communicating with God through Prayer is one of the most important things I can do as a Christian for my relationship with Him. To sum it up, I went to God like a consumer, hoping to gain something that I wanted, rather than going to God as a an adopted Son just to be in His presence.
Keller writes early on that, "Prayer is the way to experience the powerful confidence that God is handling our lives well, that our bad things will turn out for God, our good things can not be taken from us and the best things are yet to come."
He also writes, "The problem is that if God is not the starting point, then our own perceived emotional needs become the drivers and sole focus of our prayer."
Both of these excerpts strike me on two levels:
- I don't always believe God is going to make bad things turn out for good and that the best is yet to come.
- I pray many times for what I want and what I need, rather than praying to be close to God as a sole provider in my life.
Am I saying I get it wrong all the time? Surely not, but more often than not, my prayers end up like point two above. I begin to forget that God has sole control over what is going on in my life and has a plan for what is to come, so in response I pray that he would fix every single, little problem and every emotional turmoil. I turn my focus away from him and his Sovereignty and providence, and turn it towards selfishness, greed, and personal gain.
I think it all comes down to the idea of performance. We pray because we feel like we are lacking in areas, failing in others...simply God get us out of the mess we are in. But through the Holy Spirit, we know that our relationship with God is not based on performance, but is based on a parental love. A love that is so strong, it doesn't matter what we do, it will never cease. When we cease to believe God has complete control of our lives, God doesn't. When we cease to long for God and His comfort, God doesn't. When we cease to stop pursuing God, he never ceasing to pursue us.
Let our prayers be filled with praise and worship. Let our prayers be focused on the one whom through Him all things are possible. Let our prayers be words of relationship and love...not words of mechanical restatements, and rehearsed sentences. Let our prayers come from inner desire to communicate with our Creator, rather than circumstances that force us to pray.
Until next time,
-JTD-
